Professor, Do You Support Common Sense Gun Legislation ?

Sure

Professor, do you support sensible gun regulation ?

The professor furrowed his brow and said, sure.

So you support banning the AR15.

No.

!!!?? Wait, wut. Why?

It's not sensible.

It is a weapon of war, professor. It

All the guns I have are weapons of war.

So wait do you hunt.

I'm waiting. I'm obeying your command to wait.

??, the student's face said.

You said wait.

No, okay, don't wait anymore.

LOL, make up your mind, the professor said.

Do you hunt? the student axed.

When I can, sure. I grew up hunting, the professor said, smiling.

So are those weapons of war ? the student more said than asked.

Absolutely. Still used by snipers. I suggest a book called Marine Sniper by….

Wait, oh I guess that's actually true, technically, the student interrupted.

I'm obeying your command to wait, the professor said.

Don't wait, the student said.

Literally, you just said that, the professor said. [The professor hates the word “literally” never uses it except to make fun of people who say the word mindlessly].

I know you did.

You actually, technically just said that. How am I doing on my social acceptance talk? the professor asked. [The professor also hates the words “actually” and “technically,” for roughly the same reasons he hates “literally,” but the professor knows that by saying these words in certain contexts, it makes one socially more acceptable for some reason].

Huh?

Never mind, the professor said.

Like, so, professor, so like you literally want weapons of war.

A knife is a weapon of war, the professor said. A bow and arrow is a weapon of war. A hammer is a weapon of war. Have you seen Braveheart?

No, I haven't seen it.

See it.

Okay, what's it called?

Braveheart. Add Last of the Mohicans.

But with an AR 15 you have no chance of escape.

That's why they are awesome for self defense. That's why police carry them for self defense.

No I mean their literally only function is to kill as many innocent people as fast as possible. They aren't for self defense.

So why do the police have them?

Because, law enforcement.

You just said the onl ….--- yo hode up— lemme speak your language, okay?

K

You literally just actually said, technically, the professor began, that like the "only" use of the AR15 is to "kill as many people as fast as possible." Do you recall what "only" means?

The student stopped and began and stopped again, and then eeked out, okay you're right I did actually say that. But.

But what?

I dunno.

If the police have them, there must be a lawful use for them, right? the professor asked.

I...guess so. But like.

So what would that be, the professor prompted.

I dunno I'm not a cop!

But you are an informed, educated, mature citizen, as scary as it was for me to say that right now.

Uh.

Right?

I mean...so they can get the bad guys? Who want to hurt other people? the student offered.

That's definitely a lawful use -- defense of innocent life from mortal danger is a pretty damn good reason, with a long, distinguished pedigree. Right? That's in the California Penal Code as a lawful use of a firearm, did you know that? For anyone -- if you were about to be raped, it's actually listed, literally, stopping imminent rape is lawful use of a firearm.

I didn't know that, the student said.

What else.

Uh.

What about self defense? The cop gets attacked as he's enforcing the law.

Okay.

That's also a paridigmatically lawful use of a weapon. This is common sense.

But professor do you need —-

Do you need more than one pair of shoes?

No, yeah actually for working out. And job interviews.

Okay so there's a lawful use for more than one pair.

Right.

Are you *restricted* to what you "need" in a free country? the professor asked quietly and slowly.

The student looked deep into the professors eyes, like he had just seen Narnia or something, and he slowly said, no.

Let's dispense with the word "need" as the only basis for a right -- irrelevant in a free country.

So how do you solve mass shootings.

You mean, how do you stop murder.

Yeah.

How do you stop rape? Chop dicks off?

Professor!?

What?

Literally, I'm actually ...

I'm actually asking you as if you were a mature, informed, educated adult citizen, remember? Or do we want to go back to Pre-School?

LOL, no.

No what?

No, we shouldn't chop dicks off.

Why? It would prevent rape. We have a horrible rape problem. It's rampant.

Let women defend themselves, the student said.

OH DAYAM, you're drinking from my water fountain. Welcome! You segregated yoself over there. Welcome to the common sense water fountain, the professor said.

How is she gonna use an AR 15 for d

Handguns are the weapon used in the vast majority of homicide as well legal self defense. But it depends on the situation. Multiple attackers, at home? What kind of home? Let her get the training an make those decisions.

The student just looked at the professor, and said, oh so now you're for letting women make their own decisions.

Always have been, the professor said.

I thought you were pro-life, the student said.

Every person has to respect the rights of other people. That's where choice ends. Always has been that way, always will be that way. That's why we are having this conversation. You think you have a legitimate choice to take away the rights of women of all ages, from fetus to great grandmother who is getting attacked by multiple thugs.

Professor I feel like "thugs" has a racial component, so I don't advise using the term.

Because you think of non-whites as criminals, you want me to talk differently.

Uh. I mean, the history of that word...

Yes?

I took a class --

Blacks have a right to self defense, and Indians, and homosexuals, too.

Okay

I'm a Republican -- that's always been the Right answer.

Well. Whites commit most gun violence.

Suicides, yes. A disproportionate amount of murder is non-white gang activity. But you are correct that it's mostly males.

Really?

You're the one who brought up race, man. You don't want blacks or homosexuals or Indians to have "weapons of war". I don't mind if they have the same guns as the police for the same lawful purpose.

Can they have grenade launchers, flame throwers, F 18s?

Can the police?

Well...no...but

Tell you what. I'm hungry, the professor said , adding softly, as he looked around to and fro: this is gonna sound kind of racist...

Yeah.

But I kind of feel like eating a burrito. Want to come along and keep talking?

Sure. Why is that racist?

Because, the professor whispered, looking around. It's Mexican, he said, almost silently.

Copyright Lucas J. Mather, 2019
All Rights Reserved
Originally Published to Facebook on Friday 13 Sept 2019 at 4:12 pm