Professor I feel like UR very conservative

Professor, I feel like you're really conservative.

That sounds like a *thought* or a *belief*, not *a feeling*, the Professor said.

Oh, uh, haha, maybe, wait.

Feelings are: sadness, anger, gladness, fear, the Professor reminded.

Right, yeah okay, so...

That was a thought you had. Feelings can't be true or false. But a judgment that a thought is true -- that's a belief -- those can be true or false. Make sense?

Sure.

Good, because that was the first week of class lecture, the Professor reminded.

So, did you want to talk about your feelings or your thought that had the propositional content that I'm “really conservative"? the Professor added, after a brief moment.

Ummm, I don't know, the student said as others listened.

That's okay, the Professor said. I am not going to pretend that I'm an expert in talking about your feelings, anyway, because frankly -- can I be Frank for a moment?

Yeah.

I'd rather stay myself, but I'll be Frank for a moment -- as a Professor, I'm better at talking about the truth or falsity of beliefs like the one you mentioned that you had that you had mislabeled as a feeling.

Okay.

Okay, the Professor said. I mean, I'm not your therapist. I'm not your social worker. The administration thinks I am, but I am a Professor. I'm *your* professor. So, yeah.

I guess, the student corrected, I think that you're really conservative.

That's your belief, the Professor said.

Yeah.

Okay. Next, the Professor said, to the next person in line.

Wait, I mean, is that what you are? the same student said.

What do you mean by "conservative?" the Professor axed.

You know, the student said. Like, really liking the past. Wanting to take us back in time.

The Professor winced, and said, you just mentioned two things there, one of which is metaphysically impossible. I'm not sure I could possibly want to do something that's metaphysically impossible -- go back in time. The past is growing , but once something happens, it's fixed into the past. The first thing you mentioned, though, about how I feel about "the past", is interesting. But it's vague. And possibly ambiguous.

What do you mean, the student said.

By vague I mean, how far in the past do you mean? 1 second ago is the past. If I get injured, and that happened moments ago, do you think that I "really like the past" in terms of the moment of injury? That was the past. Or, before the injury? But how far before? When I was 3? Before I existed? See what I mean?

Yeah.

In terms of ambiguity, I'm not sure which things you think I like that are mutually exclusive. Being injured, not being injured.

No, more like politically . Political things, the student said.

Being born, not being born -- being torn apart in the womb -- that never happened to me thank God, but many people celebrate that , the legality of that. Being for slavery, but also against? That slavery is illegal. That it is legal?

No, I feel like you --

"Feel"?

I think that you -- like abortion -- you like when it was illegal. That was the past. You like that. And slavery ... I mean, who knows, the student said.

Well, I'm a Republican, the professor said. The part of the past where the Democrats killed Republicans, beat them, for trying to end slavery, is the part of the past I don't like. I like the part where Republicans won some major battles at GREAT cost, AT GREAT COST, against the Democrats, the professor said -- like the 13th, 14th, 15th Amendments, and what they could politically do with Reconstruction while they had the political support given the cost of the war.

The student, mouth agape, said, oh.

But that's what I mean about ambiguous.

I feel, I think that conservatives just really don't like the future, want to keep us stuck in the past. Like you just glorify stuff that is outdated.

So, the Professor said, you think I'd like muskets and prefer them to , say, an AR-15 for self defense and sport. Whereas a "progressive" would prefer that I use a rock for self defense. Because that's not going back in time, that's like the friggin Jetsons. Not the Flintstones, the Jetsons.

I don't know what those are.

Those are cartoons I grew up with.

Uh -- maybe? Actually, I ... nevermind. Maybe I don't know what "conservative" means.

Okay.

I dunno, I guess I felt like conservative always meant you were like against abortion , for guns, like very religious, like Bibles in schools--

--Back when there were no school shootings, when the Bible was read everyday, 10 verses and you could opt out, and there was voluntary school prayer, and everyone had guns and there were no school shootings even though the guns were not even locked up--in fact some kids brought guns to school for hunting or stuff, back then, continue,

Yeah, the student continued, during like segregation and Jim Crow and like lynching African Americans--

All stuff virtually universally opposed by Republicans -- violently at first, in fact, legally and culturally later -- based on the Bible, by the way -- against the Democratic Party--continue, the professor said.

Okay, I didn't know that, the student said.

You could look it up, the Professor said. You know, research. The Past.

Yeah, the student said, not liking the sound of that.

Are you conservative? the Professor asked. You don't have to answer. I'm mainly interested in how you understand the term.

Not really, the student said. I'm more progressive.

It sounds to me, based on what you've implied -- you don't like research, don't like making key distinctions that eliminate vagueness or ambiguity, don't seem to like thinking deeply about things, but you do enjoy fitting in socially -- that that's what "progressive" means, in this context.

The student furrowed his brow, and thought for a moment, before saying, I could see how you'd say that. A little harsh, Professor, but I can see how you could say that.

Any extra credit, the student asked.

No, the Professor said. What would be the point?

To get a higher grade, the student said.

Again, what would be the point?

To ... learn more, the student corrected himself.

In other words, to spend less time on the assigned work -- which was designed for that last thing you said but not the first thing -- so that you could half-ass something on which you can't lose any points ?

Please can there be extra credit?? another highly anxious but highly distracted student said.

The Professor said, to himself, you remind me of the Dean.

No, the Professor said, to everyone else.

The last student came up to the Professor later, and said, so you're not a conservative? Or?

I'm a Republican, and a Christian, he said.

So am I , she said, smiling.

Would you like to check your quiz scores?, the Professor asked.

She said, sure, as they did. And she said, can you recommend some books for further research ?

And the Professor smiled. Ah, you like research.

I love research, she said. I love books.

Copyright Lucas J. Mather
Originally published to Facebook Tues 4 June 2019 at 11:27 am