Republicans Don't Care About the Little Guy, Professor
From 2017
Republicans don't care about the little guy, the student said. And he said it sincerely.
And the professor listened. Go on, he said.
Yeah, they just care about corporations.
Not individuals?
Nope, just corporations. Corporate tax. Corporate rights.
[The professor noted that this kid had been severely intellectually molested, beyond what other students had experienced].
Can you give an example?
Well, yeah. Like Hobby Lobby versus women. Women are individuals, Hobby Lobby is a corporation.
And the little girls in the women?
They don't count as people.
Because?
Dude, they're microscopic. That doesn't count as a person. An individual with rights.
[The professor looked at the student with compassion].
The professor said: So, you're concerned for the little guy, but the littlest guys don't count.
You have to be a certain size to be a person, the student said.
I see, the professor said. And what size did you start out as?
[You could tell the student had never thought about that, actually].
Hey, you're the one that brought up size, man, the professor said, when you said Republicans don't care about "the little guy."
True, he acknowledged.
[But he didn't answer the question].
Who's your father? the professor asked.
What?
Who's your father? the professor asked again.
Dude how do you even know I have a father?
[The professor stared at him].
Everyone has a father, the professor said.
What, you want to know his name?
I want to know how you know who he is.
What, like my biological father?
Is there another kind, the professor asked.
Yeah, your father is who ever plays that role.
What role?
[This is the first "oh s—t" moment].
What role? the professor asked again.
The role of .... a father ... you know.
You mean, the role biological fathers are supposed to play?
Yeah...
But to be a biological father in the first place means that the person already played a roll, right?
Well, yeah, in starting the whole thing.
[This is the second "oh s—t" moment].
And by the "whole thing", the professor clarified, you mean --- making a new human individual life.
Getting her pregnant. Starting a pregnancy. Which she has a right to terminate.
But "terminate" means kill, right? Ever seen The Terminator?
[The professor does The Terminator music].
You can't kill a pregnancy, it's not alive, is it? the professor asked.
[This is the third "oh s—t" moment -- there's a million of them coming].
[Silence.]
The professor said, your dad -- he's your dad because he grunted and rolled over one night.
[Everyone giggles].
And he's *your* dad, because that's when you began. If he died 5 minutes later, he'd still be your dad, having done nothing else.
Yeah, that's the problem with calling that a dad.
The professor acknowledged the point. And said: sure. But that's *your* dad, because that's when you began. We ain't geese up in this bitch.
Huh?
Geese. They think the first male they see when they hatch is their dad. Our dad is not the first male *we see*. It's a male who grunted and rolled over (in the normal case), even if he died 5 minutes later and you *never see* him.
{The students thought about this. They were trying to think of objections, but none sounded authentic or true].
The professor said: You know what's funny?
What, they axed.
How deeply you guys think about the most obvious things in the world. And how strange it is that it needs to be pointed out to you. That should tell you something about Disneyland here. I mean, collidge. You're being ....intellectually and spiritually molested here.
[They think about this.]
But either way, the professor continued, you're really small when you began. Everyone knows a pregnant pig gives birth to little piggies. And no one is suprised when a damn human comes out of a pregnant woman. No one. What else would it be, a Ford Escort?
Ew!!!, they gasp.
A cabbage patch kid?
LOL
A kleenex full of snot?
OMG.
A dinosaur?
[The professor does a mini-T-Rex impression for seriously a full minute].
Everyone knows, the professor screams over the laughter, that mammals start out small and get bigger. Everyone knows that. This is a UNIVERSITY -- listen to what we are talking about! Every ancient person knew this. Every ignorant farmer knew this. Come on, now, people!
Well, Republicans love guns more than kids, the student said.
You mean, they want individuals to be able to own them, right?
Yes.
I thought you said Republicans cared only for corporations, not individual rights
[4th oh s—t moment].
I think people should be able to own guns too, the student said, for hunting.
Not for self-defense?
For self defense within like your house but not in public.
So the right to self defense exists?
[The student nodded yes].
But the right to self defense doesn't go where the self goes? the professor asked.
Huh?
I'm not at home now. My self is right here. If I have a right to self defense, I left that right at home? Is that what you're saying?
Ye...s. Well, there's the police ....
Who draw yellow chalk around your dead body and ask people stupid questions 11 times.
The student said, it .... okay … we can't have everyone carrying guns, it's absurd.
When you say, "have" everyone, you mean give people guns?
Well , yeah, what are we gonna give teachers guns now?
When you say, "give" people guns, you mean, pay for them?
Well, I mean they pay for their own guns ---
Another student said: then it's not us "giving" them guns.
The student acknowledged this.
What about, letting them defend themselves? the professor asked.
Not a requirement?
No one is suggesting that we "have them" have guns or that we "give" anyone guns. We let them do what they have a right to do: self-defense. Unless you think that is restricted to the home.
I do. It's too dangerous to have the right to self-defense in public, the student said, candidly. And he thought, bravely.
[Most students are not with him].
The professor slowed down. And he reminded the student of what started this dialogue in the first place -- the accusation that Republicans don't care about the "little guy" -- the most vulnerable individuals.
Yeah, I stand by that, the student said.
Well then, you stand by it, the professor said slowly.
Yes.
So, the right to self-defense is restricted to the home.
Yes.
So, homeless people, by definition then, have no right to self defense, according to the Democrat way of looking at things.
I --- it ---
[Another "oh s—t" moment].
The professor continued, slowly: So, the Democrat way of thinking means: the most vulnerable people in our world have no rights that more powerful people have. The unborn human -- it's open season on them because of the selfish sexual revolution. And the homeless -- the people that are most in need of protection , on your view lack the fundamental right to self defense simply because they don't have enough money . To afford a home. Republicans don't look at individual rights like that at all. You're totally wrong. You only think that because you're surrounded by Democrats.
Why don't they hire more Republicans? another student said.
Because they were taught to hate us, too, once. The professor said, sadly. They are just passing on the abuse they received.
[And all of the students looked at the professor. And they went away pondering these things, and treasuring these things up in their hearts].
Copyright Lucas J. Mather, 2017
All Rights Reserved
Originally published to Facebook on Thursday 9 Nov 2017 at 11:47 pm
Dr. Lucas J. Mather is the producer and host of The Republican Professor podcast. He currently teaches courses American Politics, The American Founding, and the Constitution at Azusa Pacific University in Lost Angeles County, California. A fuller professional biography can be found at https://www.therepublicanprofessor.com/writer/lucas-mather/